I wouldn’t say that I awoke WOKE… but something was definitely different. We went into the casino and we all started winning. I won the highest prize on a quarter machine, I, and everyone around me, won bingo several times and I even won Keno. 6 out of 7 numbers right and I wasn’t even paying attention. So much so that the Keno lady chased us down leaving the casino to tell us we had won.
You can say coincidence but I feel something in me and around me was extremely charged up and affecting everything down to the machines around me. On the ride home I had so many epiphanies and mind changing thoughts about life and love and spirit but it was coming at me so deep and heavy that I almost couldn’t keep up. I remember asking Lee that if I ever got lost in a really dark dimension, if he would be willing to come and find me. He said he would and I have held him to that promise to this day.
When we got home before I entered the house I was truly hopeful that something had changed and that I would feel different and be able to cope with whatever came at me. Wrong!! I took 2 steps in and immediately was “attacked” by something that demanded my attention so much so that I was afraid to the point of sitting in front of the fridge covering my head screaming “What do you want from me? at the top of my lungs”
Lee was not amused and he himself started screaming at me to “Get up!” and “Knock it off.” I still wish that anyone would have been there and experienced this to the degree that I did so that my craziness would be validated but that is and was not the case. It was me. All alone. Fighting some invisible battle against something I can feel and somewhat hear but not see. And I could not for the life of me figure out how to fix this whatever that had broken in my life and allowed things from horror movies to creep in and haunt me.
I truly could not stand the energy in the house and was so afraid of what was happening and I felt so alone and really wondered if I was going to survive whatever was attacking me. Now the camera images turned to horror movie things and at one point the guy from the movie “Insidious” was on the wall in our office. The kitchen floor looked like it was on fire and there were faces of mad men and dead things and hanging things and murderous looking clowns even. I saw other things, too, like many native americans and also knights holding swords and words in english and also other languages.
I cried out for help in every direction. But yet, I slightly refrained when I heard the words coming out of my mouth. Because, in fact, I did sound crazy. But it was absolutely real and was happening and I just needed one person to believe me and help me. There were an apathetic few who maybe didn’t believe me but believed that I believed me so they felt bad for me, but honestly what help could they really offer??
I was going mad. I couldn’t go home, I had to have someone with me if I tried to go to sleep and even that didn’t help. Things started moving that weren’t supposed to move, every picture harbored scary faces, I started wondering if I could trust the people around me because maybe someone put a curse on me or something. Ridiculous sounding, I’m aware, but so was what was happening to me.
The absolute worst part was that Lee, my ex-husband, granted, but still the man I loved and lived with and was sort of “dating” at the time, but that I’ve known for 20 years and should know me more than anyone… didn’t believe me. I don’t blame Lee for most of his responses but it still hurts to know that when shit really hit the fan in my life and hell was happening upon me – that I was so very alone.
Or was I?? One night on the phone I was screaming and crying to Lee because I was in another hotel room and scared out of my guts because I had seen a demon in the air vent (no joke one of the scariest things I have ever seen in my life) and he had come to the room to help me and it didn’t go well, as usual, but he was walking in our neighborhood to go to the church to pray for me. While he has the “blind” faith that so many people I know carry with them, I was still a non-believer. He got to the church, hung up the phone and knelt down to pray for me. He said that he prayed that I once and for all knew God existed and that God help me with this because Lee was all out of answers.
At that very moment something happened that I will never forget. I was holding my phone and felt a slight vibration so I looked at the screen and weirdly enough it didn’t show my screen saver but instead it was just blank. At the very top of the screen were the words “I am here.”
It was gone before I knew it but there will never be a doubt to me in my mind that it said what it said and meant what it meant. I felt a smile come over my face as tears ran down it and I had a body rush come over me that I’ve never, ever in my life experienced. For some reason I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and the goofy smile I had on my face was that of an innocent child who was as happy as they could ever be. I noticed that I had my arms wrapped around myself as if giving myself a hug and the tears came hard and fast now. Beautiful angelic tears of joy for the feeling of being no longer alone and afraid and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was loved. How did I know I was loved?? There is no logical explanation for what I felt other than divine intervention, I believe.
I heard words in my head that were not that of my own and somehow I knew who was speaking. I also knew that it was muted to a point because his true voice would not have been able to be heard by my human ears. He said “There is a reason you have not known me. It was for your own protection. I kept you hidden so that they might not find you. They know who you are now and you will need an army.”
He did not say that he loved me but it went without saying. He didn’t say who he was but it went without saying. I had just been introduced to God by God himself. The euphoria only lasted a very short time but I still long to feel that feeling every day that I exist. It was that of the most pure things ever… so pure that you can not even imagine it while here on this plane. It was love in its most raw and glorious light and form and I am more grateful than words can ever express for being allowed to experience it even for a brief moment.
To be continued…