Rest In Peace Parker

I just wanted to take a second and acknowledge one of my good friends who left this world recently.

I met Parker around 2009 when he was just a youngen. Hell, he’s still a youngen. He would have been 27 this June.

He had an accident a few years back when he fell off a roof that left him in a coma and with brain issues, and we weren’t sure he was going to make it. He pulled through and it truly was a miracle.

However, after that he was always followed by the darkness. He eventually succumbed and it finally took him.

I hope he knows how much he is going to be missed, even though he didn’t think so. And even though I wasn’t there when he left – I hope he knows that I am with him now and forever.

Praying for his friends and family, also, who are feeling this loss so deeply in their hearts.

I pray that Parker is now set free from all of the darkness that walked with him while he was on this earth. Because no matter what, he was a light and a beautiful soul and still is.

I love you Peter Parker. You always got a place in my heart.

Dedicated to Mariah

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My oldest granddaughter that I had never met was 3 years old and developed a brain tumor and died while I was in prison. The part of that story that belongs to me – is that I’ll never forget the phone call while standing against a wall in Davis County jail with 60 females who didn’t even have the decency to turn down Dr. Phil long enough for me to hear the news clearly. With one finger in my ear and the other hand gripping the phone to my head – my youngest son explained the situation and the tears flowed like Niagara falls as I turned my forehead against the wall and had no words to even speak as I ended the phone call.

Usually I would have been embarrassed to be crying in front of these hard ass bitches but this time if someone would have said anything to me – they would have gotten hit so hard in the face that they never would have asked me anything ever again. The pain I felt for her, for my son, for her mother and for everyone involved was immeasurable. It felt like I was literally being stabbed in my chest over and over and over. And where was my sorry ass?? Behind walls of concrete and steel due to my addiction and brief life of crime. Are you kidding me?

I will never, ever forgive myself for not being there for this part of my son’s life.

Her name was Mariah. She was such a gorgeous and beautiful little angel who graced the world’s presence for too short of a time – but she left such a huge impact on all who knew her and have known of her.

I love you Mariah. Grandma loves you.