Therapy

This one’s going to be rough, excuse me while I use my blog as more of a “therapy” instrument than usual.

We’re coming up on some big numbers for me. I just passed the 1 year mark of me choosing sobriety – again – and I’ve done really, really well… minus one bump in the road.

Regardless of the bump, I’ve decided not to discount the days sober over the mess up because that’s not right. I’m giving myself credit where it is due. And for an addict – every second counts.

My youngest son turns 20 on the 9th of April, so that’s a big deal. All of my children are going to be in their 20’s. Life is extraordinary.

The 15th of April would mark the 20th wedding anniversary for Lee and me… had we stayed married. He divorced me in 2013 when I was in prison and that was probably one of the saddest things in my life.

We are dating again and when I tell people, they always smile and say things like, “I love that story!” or “Good for you guys!

But it hurts my heart every single time. Which is why, if I don’t feel like explaining, I just call him “husband” and he calls me “wife.” He doesn’t like to discuss the married, not married thing and says, “We might as well be.” I say, “Sure, sure.”

Does it matter in the scheme of things? The IRS says yes. God says yes, according to some sources. But these days the answer is usually no. I’ll let you decide for yourself.

It’s also the anniversary of the day that I believe I was with a young man in spirit when he died and crossed over. It is something that will never leave me. I count that as my near death experience because not only did I think I was dying but I believe that I experienced what it feels like to take the first step into “heaven” and also let go of the weight of the world to do so.

Speaking of weight, I feel as though I just let go of some and feel better.

I convinced Lee to do a 6 week challenge with me through crossfit and we started yesterday so maybe the word “weight” won’t be so touchy for me soon… maybe.

And, oh my, what bizarre dreams and visions I’ve had lately! I see a black hole when I close my eyes recently, that sometimes turns red… there’s a meaning, metaphor or something in that as well.

So, what do I owe you? And, thank you doctor. 😉

Photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/clouds-country-dawn-dock-533953/

Anchors Aweigh (Spelled wrong intentionally, my nerd friends)

deep-linking-ocean-anchor-ss-1920Imagine you are swimming in the ocean and the ocean indicates life.

Every time something happens that impacts you negatively (bad relationships, resentments towards people and things, etc.) you pick up an anchor.

Imagine picking up so many anchors that you are no longer able to swim freely and choose where you go. You are stuck in one place just wasting energy paddling your feet to stay afloat…

Now imagine releasing all of those anchors… Don’t worry about how or why – just release them and all of the weight that they have been putting on your shoulders.

Imagine once again being free to swim wherever your heart desired.

And the next time you see an anchor… you acknowledge it… but you don’t pick it up and take it with you.