Trials of Humanity. And so it begins.

Trials of humanity:

As a lot of people know I have been going through some things that don’t seem to make sense from the outside and that could absolutely be judged as negative and harsh. The beauty of it is that I am going through trials by fire and that in the end I truly do hope to be that sword of truth and light that is forged in the flames.

May I share with you just one story that happened this last week as I look for the good in people.

I was at a hotel and there were probably over a dozen people gathered together in the eating area having a meeting about why they were in town. I felt compelled to walk into the middle of it even though that made me beyond uneasy. I did not know what I was going to say until one of the members saw me looking at them and ushered me forward.

He said well come on say what you need to say. When I stepped forward the words came out of my mouth without me even thinking. I said I apologize for interrupting your meeting but there is something that I must do. May I ask one of you.i to please get me a cup of coffee?

As the words came out of my mouth I imagined the sour response that would come from this group of strangers. But to my disbelief one man stood up immediately and walked over to the machines and asked me if I wanted coffee or cappuccino?

I stood in the middle of that group of strangers and the tears ran down my face. Everyone else had given me a dirty or confused look. But one man out of a dozen did not question. He simply decided to do something nice for a stranger. I had offered no reward or way to repay him and he did it anyway.

I hope that I am that man and that I possess his heart of gold.

20 Tips for the Newly Awakened

how-to-read-the-akashic-records-4

To those who are just now coming on-line to the light and the love that is:

I realize that many individuals are starting to see, think and feel different from before. I have a few tips and tricks to help guide you through the process.

1 – When you see numbers such as 1:11, 11:11, or even 3:33 a lot – it is low key a message from your higher self, angels and ancestors. You don’t need to know what it means, although you can look deeper into it, but just know that you are being loved and guided every step of your journey.

2 – Watch a few movies like “Star Wars” and “The Matrix” to get just a feel of what is going on here.

3 – Realize that you don’t live in the world that you thought you did and that unlearning your whole education and starting over might be helpful. 😁

4 – If you feel yourself awakening – you more than likely will go through the “dark night of the soul,” which can be horrifying and real life scary but ultimately you will come through it stronger and more resilient than ever. (Dark night of the soul is basically you fighting your own demons and clearing you and your ancestors akashic records, which is awesome, by the way!, it lasts different amounts of time for different people)

5 – Realize that you are not alone… like, literally, ever. But it’s not scary or weird. The other dimensions that are constantly around you that consist of all kinds of energies can’t see you naked or anything, they just see your energy outline in a color of light that is your “aura.”

6 – Get used to “downloads” of information. Usually while you sleep or are in the shower. If you meditate, prepare for some serious connections and answers.

7 – Don’t try to figure it all out because it’ll drive you mad. You’re going to get pieces of so many puzzles and most of them don’t even go together but it doesn’t matter. Just hold on to them and stay strong, light and positive. They will all come together when they should. (Throw linear time out the proverbial window 😉)

8 – The main objective is love. Self love first, love for earth and other beings and creatures second. Third, love for everything else. Literally all love, all the time.

9 – Learn how to clean your energy and your space. So many different methods but a few are: burning sage, opening windows and doors and with rocks and crystals. I’m to the point where I can walk in any room and close my eyes and think of an energy “sonic boom!” And the whole place is cleared for me for a decent amount of time.

10 – Look for like minded groups about awakening, enlightenment, kundalini, ascension, star seeds, light workers, pleadians, lemurians, etc., and people having to do with all of that, on social media and follow them. You’ll learn a lot really fast. But remember, everyone’s awakening journey is different, so just take it for what it is worth. Apply what you like and discard what you don’t need.

11 – We create our own reality, so the more positivity, love, light, rainbows and butterflies you can throw at us, the better.

12 – Turn off the fake news and anything that brings your vibration down or makes you feel heavy. Also eat foods with that same thing in mind. Keep it light and light. Everything is energy and what you eat or pay attention to… you are.

13 – Realize muggles, who are not enlightened, nor do they want to be, are everywhere. You can spot them by their obsession with matrix issues such as politics, government and judgement. Love them, too, but don’t try to change their mind or convince them that matrix things don’t matter. They will find all of that out when they are ready. Just love them.

14 – Learn what true self care is and apply it to your life in every way possible. Stay hydrated, eat well and sleep as much as your body requires that is possible for your life.

15 – Understand that the universe and your higher self are in charge now and they may force things on you or away from you that you don’t understand at the time, but learn to trust the process. They know the ending and they know the road it takes to get there. Even if it’s rocky, it’s the best route for you on your journey and the best lessons will be learned and the best life will be experienced. So if they push a loved one away, or if somehow your job isn’t suiting you anymore and you all of the sudden have the desire to make changes in your life, don’t be afraid of change and don’t be afraid to fail. Because there is no fail. Only less regrets and more lessons learned.

16 – Yes, the universe wants you to clean up the planet. It’s true. Your sudden interest in getting rid of single use plastics and being concerned about waste management has a deeper purpose than you can even comprehend. So please, please, please do your part to reuse, recycle and waste not, want not. Gaia needs you desperately.

17 – Understand that what you whole heartedly believe today may not make sense tomorrow. It’s a continuous roller coaster of a learning experience. Understand that knowledge is infinite and just keeping an open mind and an open heart will go a long way.

18 – There is no longer “right” and “wrong”. That’s an ego thing that doesn’t matter. It is or it isn’t for each individual. And that may change tomorrow…

19 – Some people will feel the change. Some will see it. Some will know it. Any combination of those or all of the above, works. Just know that love, light and compassion will soon reign where darkness, greed and power have stood for too long.

20 – To summarize: Learn to manifest your best reality, love yourself, the earth and others and hold the light. And that’s how we create the future of prosperity and compassion for future generations.

Please learn to discern any information you come across because that will be your biggest ally. Also, feel free to ask me, or someone you trust who is going through this, about literally ANYTHING. Nothing is too weird or cooky for me.

There are books and websites and podcasts and feeds on all of this. Too much information, really. Don’t get lost in it all… or do.

I finally found answers with Victor Oddo, who helps guide you through the ascension process, and Lee Carroll, who channels “Kryon”. I would highly suggest either of them as resources for information.

Love, light and balance to you all. I truly love all of you and I’m so grateful to be here, right now.

Photo credit and information on how to read the Akashic records:

How to Read the Akashic Records and Heal Your Soul?

Beware the darkness…

I will gladly stand before everyone and say that I was wrong if I am, because that’s not even what matters. Regardless as to whether an event takes place or not, these things I talk about couldn’t hurt. But I do believe an event is coming.

I feel this within every ounce of my being to be not only possible but probable and even better; sooner rather than later.

I see shards of geometric shapes filled with white and blue light lately in my eyes and I feel the pressure of the lower dimensions being forced out of my body and space.

I want to learn the truth about humanity, planet earth and the universe without being deceived and I want to hold my true power back within myself that has been harvested and hidden from me for all of these years.

I want love and compassion to be first and foremost above any other thought or feeling and I want to stand with others who want this and shine God’s true light upon ourselves and the earth.

I want everyone who is feeling a struggle within themselves to recognize that there is a purpose for it. That purpose can be an end to the duality and darkness that they have fought with for so long.

If you choose it. You still have free will.

It is a beautiful ascension from the greed and materialistic, consumerist lifestyle that we have come to know and latch onto.

In these next few days before the equinox I pray that you hydrate, rest, eat healthy and release any darkness, hate or jealousy. Forgive every single person who’s ever wronged you and then forgive yourself. Love your neighbor and love yourself. If you feel a negative thought or judgment about anyone or anything (including yourself) immediately replace it with love and light.

The more you can prepare your body, mind and spirit for this shift the lighter and brighter you will be.

And beware of the darkness’ final and futile attempts to trick you and hurt you. You are stronger than them – plus, you already know the ending…

You win.

Love. Light. Balance. And some more love to you all.

https://liveanddare.com/what-is-spirituality/

The Demon Egg (Part 3)

I wasted many minutes of days staring at that face on that egg. The thing put me in a trance like state and I didn’t realize I was doing it until I would snap out of it.  It was always with me either in my hand or in my purse.  Sometimes I truly felt it had power over me and I was no longer at the helm in my vehicle of life.

My 17 year old, at the time, son Ty lived with us still on the first floor of the three story house and our bedroom loft was on the third floor.  The floor plan was so that we never heard him down there and I don’t think he ever heard us upstairs either so I wouldn’t know if he was home sometimes or not.

One particular night he had taken one of Lee’s old work trucks out to visit friends.  I never heard him leave but I saw the truck gone and he was not downstairs when I went to do laundry.  I went to sleep around 10 PM, as usual,  and ended up having the most bizarre and amazing dream that I think I’ve ever had.

I was standing on a mountain top with a native American girl who was not much older than my son. I could tell she was native because of how she dressed and her hair and also she spoke what sounded like a native tongue.

We stood on top of this mountain and looked at the world below us and also the colorful, vibrant setting sun that appeared larger than normal.  We stood in silence for what seemed like a long time just enjoying and taking in the moment. She then took my hand and smiled at me and I felt warm and loved.  All of the sudden we were being pulled upwards in the sky by a non existent force that lifted us up slowly and carefully.

She pointed down to the earth and I saw the copper mine that my house was at the base of. She spoke her native language which was somehow being translated in my head. She explained that the mine was an atrocity and an open wound to mother earth that they continued to dig and infect every day.  She said the mine never should have been built there and that it was on sacred hallowed ground.  She said the white man knew this and out of greed built it anyways. It brought me to tears and I wept for the monstrosity that I could see.

We were then lifted higher and higher until we were outside of the earth’s atmosphere. She pointed to regions of the earth and we wept for the neglect and misuse of this beautiful, wondrous gift that humans have that we are ruining without care.

She then spread her arms out as if encompassing the whole earth in her arms and showed me, in reverse,  how the earth was born. All of the hundreds of thousands of lifetimes; the years of life, love, development, industry, war, countries rising and falling, species being introduced and then extinct and all of the things in between. I understood in an instant – where we had come from and where we were going.

The earth disappeared and we were silently floating in space. It was incredible. I was so happy, weightless, peaceful and relaxed. I looked at the girl and she smiled a sort of mischievous smile and winked at me. I started to smile back and suddenly was no longer weightless and I started falling back down backwards as I screamed the loudest blood curling, ear piercing scream that I could conjure up, and yet I knew, that no one could hear me.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Outcast, and yet In…cast?

I am more grateful than words can express and overwhelmed with absolute and pure joy to be at the place in my life, at this time on earth with the knowledge and gifts that I have been given. I wouldn’t give up any of my life experiences (not even prison) for anything. That being said…

I am such a weirdo. I mean that in the most loving way possible, but it is so true. I could not be normal if my life depended on it. My brain works completely different than it used to. I proved that by going to brain mapping and most of the parts of my brain, the right and left sides, that handle “normal” everyday activity are basically on autopilot. But my subconscious, top of my head part was lit up like a Christmas tree. I honestly can’t focus properly on everyday tasks and it is a serious accomplishment and chore to finish a task. I can’t tell you how proud I am of myself when I fix a meal or actually load AND unload the dishwasher. My eyes have changed what and how they see as well. Like I have this weird ultra vision that lets me see many things inside of things. I find myself watching the patterns the robot vacuum is making as it’s doing its rounds instead of finishing folding the laundry like I am supposed to be doing.

I’ll sit down to write a blog post and 17 hours later I have finally opened up the right window on my comp to be able to start typing. It’s like ADD on some major steroids. I no longer take medications or drugs and I don’t drink. I am like a poster child of sobriety and yet a lot of the time I feel like I’m looking through the eyes of someone on hallucinogens. And it’s mostly awesome, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also extremely isolating sometimes from the normal world.

Lee, my ex-husband who I now date again as well as live with and work for, is the poster child of down to earth. He is seriously probably one of the best men I have ever met. But while I’m off staring at clouds and talking about aliens and angels, he’s attempting to “just watch the football game”. I get it. He’s been this way since I met him 21 years ago and I know he will always be the same and I love him for that – but my new situation just puts distance between me and him… and everyone, really.

Absolutely nothing in my brain is normal anymore. I feel like an elevated human being with so much more compassion, knowledge and understanding of things and I do feel like I’m transcending into the next dimension and to a higher plane of this earth planet… but do I have to feel so alone doing it? And why did I change and he didn’t? And immediately I already answered the ‘feel alone’ question… because I am literally never alone.

Besides my 2 yorkshire terrier dogs, Tobias and Loki, who are my best friends and listen and watch me all day long in wonderment of “What in the hell is this woman talking about and doing?” I am still in my “hermit phase” of awakening and only speak to my kids, parents and sisters, for the most part. I have one or 2 ladies that I know that are nice enough to check in with me from time to time who know I am crazy and that’s ok, but no one really around me anymore. And that is ok because I am at all times surrounded by angels and ancestors in my head and who I can not only feel but also hear and sometimes see – which is great – but it still isn’t a replacement for real people, I’m sure. I rarely answer my phone because I don’t like the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth when I do and I always hang up asking myself “WTF did you just say?”

I have to have my groceries delivered OR avoid eye contact with anyone in the store if I do go, because I’ll end up saying something weird to the cashier like, “Your father who passed away misses and loves you, too. And he’s standing right behind you…” and some people are up for that kind of conversation while others look around nervously and consider calling for help.

So if you see me out in public or at a family gathering or anywhere really… just know that I am trying really hard to act normal and that I don’t mean to be such a weirdo… but that I am still so very grateful that I am. My head is legitimately always in the clouds. And for hecks sake – if you feel like or want to talk to me about some amazing, weird, out of this world stuff – then by all means, please do. I am sooo down!!

 

**I want to say thank you right now to a few people that I’ve never actually met (yet), who are definitely part of my spirit family, who have helped me more than they will ever know as I struggled to find answers to my awakened situation.

Victor Oddo, who has such an amazing youtube channel that helps people who are in the awakening process, who basically saved my life.

Kryon, of magnetic service, who also played his part in saving me, has an amazingly beautiful and informative youtube channel. I am travelling to see him in Monument Valley this February and I cannot wait for the experience.

Seriously, if you find yourself having any of the ascension or awakening symptoms, like I speak of, or you’re just plain curious, do yourself a huge favor and check these guys out. And hopefully they don’t mind the plug 🙂

Victor Oddo:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjerQpCYV_kL-IbQZNVHVPQ

Kryon:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEAtIlGTJIgR8GMxK0ZuUw

 

 

Dear Wendy, it’s me… GOD (Part 2)

I wouldn’t say that I awoke WOKE… but something was definitely different. We went into the casino and we all started winning. I won the highest prize on a quarter machine, I, and everyone around me, won bingo several times and I even won Keno. 6 out of 7 numbers right and I wasn’t even paying attention. So much so that the Keno lady chased us down leaving the casino to tell us we had won.

You can say coincidence but I feel something in me and around me was extremely charged up and affecting everything down to the machines around me. On the ride home I had so many epiphanies and mind changing thoughts about life and love and spirit but it was coming at me so deep and heavy that I almost couldn’t keep up. I remember asking Lee that if I ever got lost in a really dark dimension, if he would be willing to come and find me. He said he would and I have held him to that promise to this day.

When we got home before I entered the house I was truly hopeful that something had changed and that I would feel different and be able to cope with whatever came at me. Wrong!! I took 2 steps in and immediately was “attacked” by something that demanded my attention so much so that I was afraid to the point of sitting in front of the fridge covering my head screaming “What do you want from me? at the top of my lungs”

Lee was not amused and he himself started screaming at me to “Get up!” and “Knock it off.” I still wish that anyone would have been there and experienced this to the degree that I did so that my craziness would be validated but that is and was not the case. It was me. All alone. Fighting some invisible battle against something I can feel and somewhat hear but not see. And I could not for the life of me figure out how to fix this whatever that had broken in my life and allowed things from horror movies to creep in and haunt me.

I truly could not stand the energy in the house and was so afraid of what was happening and I felt so alone and really wondered if I was going to survive whatever was attacking me. Now the camera images turned to horror movie things and at one point the guy from the movie “Insidious” was on the wall in our office. The kitchen floor looked like it was on fire and there were faces of mad men and dead things and hanging things and murderous looking clowns even. I saw other things, too, like many native americans and also knights holding swords and words in english and also other languages.

I cried out for help in every direction. But yet, I slightly refrained when I heard the words coming out of my mouth. Because, in fact, I did sound crazy. But it was absolutely real and was happening and I just needed one person to believe me and help me. There were an apathetic few who maybe didn’t believe me but believed that I believed me so they felt bad for me, but honestly what help could they really offer??

I was going mad. I couldn’t go home, I had to have someone with me if I tried to go to sleep and even that didn’t help. Things started moving that weren’t supposed to move, every picture harbored scary faces, I started wondering if I could trust the people around me because maybe someone put a curse on me or something. Ridiculous sounding, I’m aware, but so was what was happening to me.

The absolute worst part was that Lee, my ex-husband, granted, but still the man I loved and lived with and was sort of “dating” at the time, but that I’ve known for 20 years and should know me more than anyone… didn’t believe me. I don’t blame Lee for most of his responses but it still hurts to know that when shit really hit the fan in my life and hell was happening upon me – that I was so very alone.

Or was I?? One night on the phone I was screaming and crying to Lee because I was in another hotel room and scared out of my guts because I had seen a demon in the air vent (no joke one of the scariest things I have ever seen in my life) and he had come to the room to help me and it didn’t go well, as usual, but he was walking in our neighborhood to go to the church to pray for me. While he has the “blind” faith that so many people I know carry with them, I was still a non-believer. He got to the church, hung up the phone and knelt down to pray for me. He said that he prayed that I once and for all knew God existed and that God help me with this because Lee was all out of answers.

At that very moment something happened that I will never forget. I was holding my phone and felt a slight vibration so I looked at the screen and weirdly enough it didn’t show my screen saver but instead it was just blank. At the very top of the screen were the words “I am here.”

It was gone before I knew it but there will never be a doubt to me in my mind that it said what it said and meant what it meant. I felt a smile come over my face as tears ran down it and I had a body rush come over me that I’ve never, ever in my life experienced. For some reason I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and the goofy smile I had on my face was that of an innocent child who was as happy as they could ever be. I noticed that I had my arms wrapped around myself as if giving myself a hug and the tears came hard and fast now. Beautiful angelic tears of joy for the feeling of being no longer alone and afraid and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was loved. How did I know I was loved?? There is no logical explanation for what I felt other than divine intervention, I believe.

I heard words in my head that were not that of my own and somehow I knew who was speaking. I also knew that it was muted to a point because his true voice would not have been able to be heard by my human ears. He said “There is a reason you have not known me. It was for your own protection. I kept you hidden so that they might not find you.  They know who you are now and you will need an army.”

He did not say that he loved me but it went without saying. He didn’t say who he was but it went without saying. I had just been introduced to God by God himself. The euphoria only lasted a very short time but I still long to feel that feeling every day that I exist. It was that of the most pure things ever… so pure that you can not even imagine it while here on this plane. It was love in its most raw and glorious light and form and I am more grateful than words can ever express for being allowed to experience it even for a brief moment.

To be continued…

Dear Wendy, it’s me… GOD (Part 1)

When I used to attend church as a child I would hear the stories they would tell and I would listen to well known and well respected people speak on the subjects and I could hear belief in their words. As I got older I questioned why adults and people who should know better could feign belief in such spectacular and seemingly unreal things. I heard the people get up to the pulpit and bear their testimonies that they knew the church was true and they knew certain prophets were true prophets and, besides some of them sounding completely rehearsed and brainwashed, or the children who might get up to emulate what they had seen and heard, a select few possessed the sincere pang of truth when you heard their words. At least, to my ears. They spoke up feeling and believing in the “spirit” being with them and guiding them and being ever present in their day to day lives. Meanwhile, I sat and felt nothing. I asked for proof and I asked to know it in my heart so that I, too, could get up and announce what I believed to be true. Still… nothing.

Years went by and I stopped attending church services until I was a little older and had 2 children of my own. I was living with my husband at the times family who are believers and attenders of church things and so I attempted to follow suit and thought maybe with my increased age and wisdom (haha) I would indeed find the answers I was looking for and be able to finally believe. I absolutely did NOT feel anything different and if anything – things seemed way more unbelievable and obscure.

I gave up for many years on trying to believe something that I could not personally prove scientifically or any other way and even went so far as calling myself an atheist. Towards my latter years in my 30’s I was a “card carrying atheist” according to me, and could tell you a million reasons why I thought God didn’t exist.

About a year ago I was living in an old mining town set just outside of the Salt Lake valley called “Copperton” due to its proximity and the part it plays in the Bingham Canyon copper mine. I have always believed in ghosts and that’s because I have had numerous experiences leading me to believe (which I will discuss at another time) and this place was kind of known for being a ghost town.

We lived in my fairytale house. Seriously I couldn’t have dreamt it up any more perfect. It looked almost like a mini castle with 3 floors, a loft style master suite which took up a whole floor that had a juliet balcony, a huge whirlpool jetted tub and beach style shower, not to mention the kitchen island with a 6 burner gas stove and 2 ovens… ANYWAYS… I was literally in LOVE with a house. Never thought it was possible – but I actually think I felt love for this building. And it seemed to coddle me in a way that I was never afraid to be alone and I never wanted to leave. Until… things changed in such a drastic way that I was actually forced OUT of the house in several ways.

The changes came when I suddenly went from feeling safe and coddled to almost hunted and extremely scared. There wasn’t a specific event that took place, it was an energy that took place. All of the sudden, I felt like someone was always in the house with me. I went and bought cameras to place around the house just to be able to see what was happening on all floors at all times because the feelings and the unexplained noises came fast and hard. Lee even started leaving his gun and I mentally started preparing myself to shoot an intruder, if need be.

The problem with the cameras were that they showed even scarier things than what I imagined… because I imagined real life people and things coming at me and what I saw were real life nightmare type things and things other dimensional looking and feeling coming at me. There were crazy and vivid colors on the cameras and scary and creepy faces and things coming out of the walls and in garbage cans. At one point, and I’m grateful there was a witness to this… I was up in the bedroom looking at the cameras and there was literally a burning letter ‘J’ on my kitchen counter.

And then I started feeling them. One night when the cameras started going from vibrant beautiful colors to darkness and black and white and eery looking all the time, I laid down to go to sleep and felt someone, maybe that of a child with the amount of weight that was on the footprint, stepping on the bed and on me. Yet I looked and saw nothing when my eyes opened. I tried to ignore it and hide under the covers and it started creeping towards my face. I screamed and called to Lee and since he had taken a sleeping pill, at which point he is too ornery for life and must sleep or else, so he looked around saw nothing and told me to either go to sleep or leave so he could. I couldn’t make it stop no matter what I did so I went downstairs and turned on the TV and sat in a chair with my guard up until I must have fallen asleep.

Things like that happened over and over until I told him I could no longer handle being frightened to death by these things that I could feel and sense but not exactly see. Very scary and interesting things showed up on the cameras and at one point you could even see what looked like Gene Simmons in full KISS make-up’s head in our garbage can, which isn’t the scariest thing, but… wtf?? It is still not normal.

I mostly stayed at friends or in hotels during this time but experienced a lot of the same no matter where I went but it was definitely the worst when I was in Copperton. The house of my dreams became a literal house of hell and I could barely make myself go anywhere near there.

This all happened around the holidays and for Christmas last year we had thankfully chosen to go to Mesquite and gamble with his parents which was a very welcome break for me, I thought, from the energy of the house and everything that had happened subsequently, like Lee wanting to kill me himself for his lack of sleep and for me seemingly losing my mind. I know he saw a lot on the cameras and could definitely see I was afraid of something, but since it wasn’t anything he could deal with he chose to ignore it and that was his only advice to me on the subject as well. If you ignore it it will go away. Believe me, I tried and tried and tried. Something seriously wanted my attention and would not take no for an answer.

While in Mesquite the first night I felt something very odd and strange in the hotel bathroom… and not just that it was disgusting and had used by so many people that if you really thought about it it would literally make you sick… but something in the was the energy was sitting in the room. It almost immediately infuriated Lee and he started threatening me almost immediately that if I didn’t let him sleep then I needed to get another room, which to me was terrifying because being alone scared the crap out of me, too. I honestly felt like something was out to get me and it was really gunning for me now. Like you might feel if someone has a gun pointed at you and they are staring at you from down the sights of the weapon and you are frozen because you know you are got.

Resistance is futile. I am a dork, yes, but still I heard this phrase in my head over and over that night. I tried to shut it up and act “normal” around his parents but I’m sure I was lookin a sight and acting like a total wreck, because I was. How do you fight back when you can’t even actually SEE your opponent? And is it a fight? Am I losing? Does losing mean I die? Automatically my brain takes me to the worst possible scenarios of all things, which, of course, is SUPER helpful but happening all the same.

The first night in Mesquite was Christmas eve. Lee and I had already fought because there were 2 beds in the room and he insisted I try and sleep away from him so he could actually sleep and me not cling to him for dear life at every bump in the night, when I just wanted to be close to him so he could keep me safe.

We compromised eventually and I crawled next to him and grabbed a blanket and curled up into a ball like I had been for the past month or so since this all started. I immediately knew something was heightened this night because the feeling of someone touching me felt as real as if they actually were. Also, I started seeing bright swirling colors on the wall that appeared to be coming towards me. It was brilliant shades of purple and green with the center being purple and the green surrounding the tail of purple that began in the center. I begged Lee to help me because whatever it was, was getting closer and closer. He shrugged me off and literally went back to snoring within a half of a second.

I don’t watch scary movies for a reason, because I am the biggest scaredy cat but that night I saw a few out of this world, movie esque, spectacular and scary things. One of them was what looked like an outline of a dark moth type creature that seemingly flew  and disappeared into my ring finger on the right hand side of my hand. Then the swirling ball of colors on the wall somehow came at me and went into my mouth. After that – I passed out cold, I believe, from being honest to goodness scared to death of what was happening. It was so incredibly scary and unreal.

To be continued…