Support vs. Tolerance and Expectation vs. Reality

I can’t say enough about how much of an impact that opening my third eye has had on my existence in this last year. My thought process, level of compassion, acceptance and understanding is through the roof. I am in no way a master, though, and still suffer from things most humans have in common – such as craving acceptance.

I often feel bad for children growing up in this time period where they are openly and publicly accepted or not through various social media platforms and it can have a huge impact on their self esteem. I would wager to say the same for a lot of adults, whether we like it or not.

I have posted something on fb before and went back 20 minutes later and saw that no one had liked it so I took it down or deleted it. My brain automatically assumes the worst and I think people are offended or don’t think it’s funny or can’t relate. Regardless, it’s pretty ridiculous, but I am guilty of doing it on multiple occasions.

I was at the grocery store last week (always a bad idea) and the cashier/assistant manager asked me what I do for work now since I had told him that I bagged groceries for about 2 weeks a lifetime ago. When I told him that I was “blogging” he feigned enough interest to get an answer to his next question, “What about?” I told him that day that I was writing about aliens. He asked if I had been abducted or if I wanted to be abducted. I said, “Well, you’ll have to read it to find out”. That lead him to his next question, which made me cringe right before he said it because I knew it was coming,… “Oh, cool. How many followers do you have?”

Oh geez. Embarrassingly or proudly enough, depending on which side of the cup I’m looking at at the moment… I have 4. And 1 of them is myself. I’ve already told myself that once I started writing, which I decided to do 6 months ago but continued to mull it over until I was recently “ready”, that it wouldn’t be about popularity or numbers because that will kill your vibe quicker than anything. I told myself that it was mostly for myself and that if even one person was reached and that if my opinions were even taken into consideration – then I had essentially accomplished something noteworthy.

Which is a great ideology… in theory. I am friends with over 450 people on fb. I haven’t forced the situation (yet) but I have put it out there on my fb page and other social media as well as bringing it up in a conversation or two about my new adventure and have politely asked for support by following me and liking what I write if they like what they read.

Yikes. If what I see by numbers DID matter… then what in the hell am I really doing here? Besides breaking my own heart?

I’m going to continue doing what I’m doing because what I have to say, of course, at least if nothing else, helps me vent and process it and get it all out. So essentially, it is a public diary of sorts that maybe some people will stumble upon and read. Ok, great.

Well what did you expect?

Without consciously trying to expect anything, apparently my subconscious was busy expecting things. Because the let down I feel for having 0 expectations is completely irrational, if not. I can hear the 3 of you that actually read this blog and all of the figurative pats on the back with reassuring and kind words along with understanding of the exact position that I’ve put myself into…

I know that I just recently put myself out there and that it will get better and people will eventually come on board with helping support my journey as opposed to just simply tolerating it. I never want to shove my passion or ideas down anyone’s throat, I’d rather they take a bite and swallow on their own accord.

I don’t honestly know what it takes these days to get someone to hit a ‘like’ button or subscribe to a blog (obviously). People are a truly hard sell and I am no salesman. But honestly this is just a venting session and I can see the future getting brighter as I type. One moment this won’t matter and the next it does. I’ll just have to continue rolling with the waves of acceptance and disappointment in order to get where I presume I’m trying to go.

So to my supporters in the now and to those in the future, thank you from the bottom of my subconscious and conscious heart. I’m grateful for this journey and for all of you.

Have a great day – regardless of whether you support or just simply tolerate πŸ™‚


**Noted that as I wrote this I thought about all the people’s stuff that I read and forget to hit like or follow on… so first of all sorry about that and I’ll try to do better in the future πŸ˜‰

Also, if all of the sudden you get a bunch of likes from me on your stuff even from way back – I’m not trying to be a creeper, I’m just trying to catch up and help support you!

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