When I was 12 years old I was walking home with my friends one day from school. We had just started junior high and popularity and being “cool” was harder for me than most, it seemed, but I had somehow managed to get a few pretty cool friends. From quite a distance I saw a man walking his child in a stroller coming the opposite direction. My eyesight was amazing back then and I could tell that, even from a distance, it was John freaking Stockton. For anyone not into basketball… John freaking Stockton is (or was) the all-time assist leader who played for THE Utah Jazz and assisted my other fave Karl “The Mailman” Malone to an almost Championship against none other than Michael freaking Jordan and the Chicago Bulls.
As he came closer my mind was racing on how best to handle this chance encounter with such a celebrity. Do I just say “Hey” and hope he offers an autograph? Or do I go all fan girl on him and beg? … NOT in front of these kids you don’t! He was already ready to pass us by the time I had this conflict continuing in my mind and still hadn’t reached a decision. He looked up and over at us long enough for our eyes to meet and I felt a stupid grin come across my face when suddenly the wind was knocked out of me and my head popped backwards almost to the point where I fell over backwards but a strange matrix thing occurred that kept me from actually hitting the ground. I realized after too late that a mailbox lid had been left open and since I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking – it hit me straight in the throat. When I got back to a standing position it was just in time to see John freaking Stockton crack a smile and keep walking. He never smiled, so it was kind of cool, but seriously there was absolutely no cool way to play this off. Did it have to go down like this?
I was the laughing stock for weeks.
I noticed yesterday that I needed to unplug my vacuum cord and plug it into the plug in the next room to continue vacuuming. Instead of being a reasonable, normal person and walking around the chair and table to reach it, I awkwardly and horribly reached over the chair and through the table almost causing a “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” moment. But why??
Just today, as I already had this blog idea rolling around in my head, I went to my backyard to the neighbors fence, like I do frequently, to chat with them about an occurrence where their dogs got out this morning – and another one happened. I stood up on the 4 foot cement wall to look over the other 2 feet of vinyl fencing to see if anyone was there and accidentally dropped my phone into their backyard. Nobody was there.
I look absolutely ridiculous climbing fences at my age. Well, at any age, really. Hopefully, no ones surveillance cameras caught me in the act. #Embarrassing.
How do I even survive? These moments happen on the daily and sometimes hourly. I was hoping when I realized that I was becoming an elevated and ascended human being that it would somehow give me some grace and common sense along with my beautiful knowledge. Not the case so far. I just don’t think “graceful” is in the cards for me. Too bad I don’t know a psychic who can look into the future and let me know…
NOPE. Not happening. Stumble on my clumsy friends. Stumble on.