Outcast, and yet In…cast?

I am more grateful than words can express and overwhelmed with absolute and pure joy to be at the place in my life, at this time on earth with the knowledge and gifts that I have been given. I wouldn’t give up any of my life experiences (not even prison) for anything. That being said…

I am such a weirdo. I mean that in the most loving way possible, but it is so true. I could not be normal if my life depended on it. My brain works completely different than it used to. I proved that by going to brain mapping and most of the parts of my brain, the right and left sides, that handle “normal” everyday activity are basically on autopilot. But my subconscious, top of my head part was lit up like a Christmas tree. I honestly can’t focus properly on everyday tasks and it is a serious accomplishment and chore to finish a task. I can’t tell you how proud I am of myself when I fix a meal or actually load AND unload the dishwasher. My eyes have changed what and how they see as well. Like I have this weird ultra vision that lets me see many things inside of things. I find myself watching the patterns the robot vacuum is making as it’s doing its rounds instead of finishing folding the laundry like I am supposed to be doing.

I’ll sit down to write a blog post and 17 hours later I have finally opened up the right window on my comp to be able to start typing. It’s like ADD on some major steroids. I no longer take medications or drugs and I don’t drink. I am like a poster child of sobriety and yet a lot of the time I feel like I’m looking through the eyes of someone on hallucinogens. And it’s mostly awesome, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also extremely isolating sometimes from the normal world.

Lee, my ex-husband who I now date again as well as live with and work for, is the poster child of down to earth. He is seriously probably one of the best men I have ever met. But while I’m off staring at clouds and talking about aliens and angels, he’s attempting to “just watch the football game”. I get it. He’s been this way since I met him 21 years ago and I know he will always be the same and I love him for that – but my new situation just puts distance between me and him… and everyone, really.

Absolutely nothing in my brain is normal anymore. I feel like an elevated human being with so much more compassion, knowledge and understanding of things and I do feel like I’m transcending into the next dimension and to a higher plane of this earth planet… but do I have to feel so alone doing it? And why did I change and he didn’t? And immediately I already answered the ‘feel alone’ question… because I am literally never alone.

Besides my 2 yorkshire terrier dogs, Tobias and Loki, who are my best friends and listen and watch me all day long in wonderment of “What in the hell is this woman talking about and doing?” I am still in my “hermit phase” of awakening and only speak to my kids, parents and sisters, for the most part. I have one or 2 ladies that I know that are nice enough to check in with me from time to time who know I am crazy and that’s ok, but no one really around me anymore. And that is ok because I am at all times surrounded by angels and ancestors in my head and who I can not only feel but also hear and sometimes see – which is great – but it still isn’t a replacement for real people, I’m sure. I rarely answer my phone because I don’t like the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth when I do and I always hang up asking myself “WTF did you just say?”

I have to have my groceries delivered OR avoid eye contact with anyone in the store if I do go, because I’ll end up saying something weird to the cashier like, “Your father who passed away misses and loves you, too. And he’s standing right behind you…” and some people are up for that kind of conversation while others look around nervously and consider calling for help.

So if you see me out in public or at a family gathering or anywhere really… just know that I am trying really hard to act normal and that I don’t mean to be such a weirdo… but that I am still so very grateful that I am. My head is legitimately always in the clouds. And for hecks sake – if you feel like or want to talk to me about some amazing, weird, out of this world stuff – then by all means, please do. I am sooo down!!


**I want to say thank you right now to a few people that I’ve never actually met (yet), who are definitely part of my spirit family, who have helped me more than they will ever know as I struggled to find answers to my awakened situation.

Victor Oddo, who has such an amazing youtube channel that helps people who are in the awakening process, who basically saved my life.

Kryon, of magnetic service, who also played his part in saving me, has an amazingly beautiful and informative youtube channel. I am travelling to see him in Monument Valley this February and I cannot wait for the experience.

Seriously, if you find yourself having any of the ascension or awakening symptoms, like I speak of, or you’re just plain curious, do yourself a huge favor and check these guys out. And hopefully they don’t mind the plug 🙂

Victor Oddo:






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